
Based on the comments we
have been receiving about how you can choose the right partner for yourself,
here we are again bring it to your closet.
I know there so many
thought going on your heart, "Is this the right person for me" or
probably saying this to yourself "Will this person be okay for
me".
Let me start by saying
this, i wouldn't want your case to be like a lady i know to be 38 year old of
age, this lady came to me and said God is not being fair with her, then i asked
how and why. She said at her age she hasn't gotten a right partner. Then i
asked her a question, has any man come to approach you?
She responded by saying
several men, then i asked her again what was your respond to them. She started
listing their negative attitude towards her. Then i asked again, "who is
now the person that will show you positive attitude. She responded: I don't
know.
Then i said any day you are
ready to neglect negative attitude of your partner and focus on your
relationship, then meet me i will teach you what to do. The lady came back
after three years and told me please sir teach me how to tolerate men with
their attitude.
I told her the only way she
can tolerate men is by not looking for their negative side but always positive
side of them. Then she asked again, how can she find the right partner for
herself?
To begin your quest to
find the right partner, think about the traits and behaviors you prefer. Most
people automatically think of superficial traits such as height or eye color.
Though these traits may be important to you, other traits may also be more
important when it comes to having a healthy, long-term relationship. Here is a
list of some important qualities to consider:
1. Always think how both of you can grow together
- Interested in learning how to be a better person and partner.
- Aware of emotional baggage and weaknesses.
- Has personal goals for self-improvement.
2. Open your Emotion
- Aware of his or her own feelings.
- Able to express his or her feelings.
- Desires to share feelings with partner.
3. Honesty
- Honest with themselves.
- Honest with others and you.
- Does not play games about wants and feelings.
4. Maturity and Responsibility
- Maintains a clean house, pays bills and handles finances
- Ability to take care of themselves.
- Follows through on promises, shows up on time, does not let people down.
- Respects your boundaries, values, feelings, and time.
5. Be of yourselves from high esteem
- Takes pride in themselves without being arrogant.
- Takes care of their health, living environment, car, and possessions.
- Does not allow other people to mistreat him/her.
6. Positive Attitude Towards Life
- Focuses on solutions instead of problems.
- Turns obstacles into opportunities.
- Sees the good in people and situations.
Consider some flaws that
can be fatal to a relationship. Your partner might have one or more of these
traits and still be capable of having a relationship. According to
Barbara DeAngelis, the following is a list of fatal flaws:
· Addictions
· Anger
· Feeling
like a victim
· Control
freak
· Has
sexual dysfunction
· Hasn't
grown up
· Emotionally
unavailable
· Hasn't
recovered from past relationships
· Has
emotional damage from childhood
Analyze Yourself
Next, turn the
examination inwards. Ask yourself what is holding you back from having a loving
relationship. Perhaps you are hurt from a previous break-up. Maybe you are
afraid of commitment. Identify these issues and find ways to resolve them. In
addition, examine your previous relationships and learn from them. What
mistakes did you make? What aspects of a previous relationship would you want
to develop in a future relationship? Finally, examine other factors that might
affect your partner choice: cultural norms, expectations of male and female
roles, religious background, and socioeconomic status. What are your core
values that you are not willing to bend or change?
Analyze Your Relationship
Once you are in a
relationship, continue to examine your compatibility with your partner. Do not
overlook compatibility issues in order to just “be in a relationship”. In other
words, do not ignore warning signs of potential problems. Other mistakes include
making compromises, such as eliminating activities you like because they don't
find them interesting, or reducing your communication with family members or
friends your partner dislikes. Evaluate your core value systems and determine
if they mesh with your partners. These values are important to you and if your
partner and you do not share these values, then there may always be arguments
about these.
Talk to Your Partner
You should not be
hesitant to ask your partner questions. It is important to learn not only about
your partner, but also about your partner's relationship with his or her
family. Learning about their family will provide better insights about your
partner. Here is a list of questions you could ask:
· What do
you like to do for fun? What did you do for fun when you were younger? How
often do you get out and have fun? How much time per week do you take for
leisure activities? What do you do when you want to relax? What do you like to
do on vacation? What were your friendships like when you were growing up?
· How do
you handle tough times? How have you handled some of the difficult situations
in your life?
· What were
your parents like when you were growing up? How did their opinions influence
you, then and now? How did your parents get along? How have you changed over
the years?
· What are
your plans for the future? What are your attitudes and what is your style for
handling money? Do you like to help with household chores? What do you like to
talk about? What conversations do you like to avoid?
Take Your Time
Overall, be patient. It
is critical to know your own values, wants, and needs before you enter a
relationship. Take your time getting to know your partner's personality,
history, value systems, and ideals to evaluate whether this is a quality
relationship.
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