
In romantic relationships, as with so
much else, it’s the little things that count. Just as a mis-spoken word or odd
look can throw a couple into a weeks-long feud, small and seemingly
insignificant gestures can help keep a relationship on track. A little gift, an
off-hand compliment, a moment of physical contact can vastly strengthen a
relationship.
According to psychologists Nathaniel
Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the
challenges of romantic relationships, these little displays of interest and
affection can be more important than all the "active listening" and
trust games in the world. Their research has suggested 10 keys to keeping both
partners content, satisfied, and happy with each other.
1. Tell your partner you love them.
Although it’s true that actions speak
louder than words, words often speak more clearly than
actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your
partner. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way
towards making your significant other feel wanted, cared for, and secure in
your relationship.
2. Show some affection.
Small acts of physical intimacy – the
hand on the small of the back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around
their shoulder on the sofa, your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side,
holding hands while walking down the street – give your partner a warm feeling
and convey the love and affection you feel for them. The littlest touch can be
as important, or even more important, than the longest night
of sexual intimacy.
3. Show appreciation for your
partner.
Let your partner know on a regular
basis what it is that you like most about them – what you admire, what makes
you proud, what their strengths are in your eyes. Building a romantic
relationship isn’t jsut about the initial bonding – it’s about encouraging and
supporting each other’s growth over the course of your lives. Help your partner
achieve his or her potential by constantly building them up.
4. Share yourself.
Don’t keep your likes and dislikes,
dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If
it’s important to you, share it with your partner. More than that, be sure to
share more with your partner than you do with anyone else.
While there is certainly a need for some personal space in even the closest
relationship, give as much of yourself and your time as you can bear to your
partner.
5. Be there for your partner.
It’s obvious what you need to do when
your partner faces a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death
of a loved one. But it’s just as important to be supportive when your partner
faces life’s little challenges, too – an argument at work, a rough commute, a
misplaced check. Don’t let yourself be a doormat, and definitely don’t stand
for physical or verbal abuse, but thicken your skin a little and be the voice
of calm and reason when chaos strikes. Listen to what’s bothering them and
offer whatever help – even if it’s just sympathy – you can.
6. Give gifts.
Take advantages of opportunities to
give material tokens of your love. Just the right book picked up at the
bookstore, a special dessert, a piece of jewelry or clothing you noticed at the
store – anything small or large that tells them you were thinking of them.
Leave a love note for them, or send them an SMS at work to “I love you” –
again, the little reminder that they’re always on your mind will help your
partner feel better about themselves and secure in your relationship.
7. Respond gracefully to your
partner’s demands and shortcomings.
A big killer of relationships is
unreasonable expectations. Unless you married a robot, your partner comes
pre-loaded with a whole range of human failures and foibles. These are
features, not bugs! Learn to recognize and appreciate your partner’s
quirks for what they are: an essential part of who they are as people. Since our
weaknesses are often at the core of our deepest insecurities, make sure you
don’t pick on or otherwise go out of your way to highlight your partner’s
flaws.
8. Make "alone time" a
priority.
No matter how busy both of your lives
are, make sure you commit at least an evening every week or two to be alone
together. Have new experiences, share your stories, and just generally enjoy
each other’s company.
9. Take nothing for granted.
Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude
for your partner and the thousands of little blessings he or she has brought
into your life. Remember that, if you’re happy in your relationship, your
partner is doing a thousand little things for you every day to make your
relationship work (as, hopefully, you are for them). Never take that for
granted – a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second you stop
it starts to slide away.
10. Strive for equality.
Make sure you follow the Golden Rule
in your relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you.
Strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and don’t
expect or demand special considerations you’d be unwilling to offer in return.
You can click follow us for more
0 Comments